About A.Fractured.Mind

In a way I am two people.The first person is the one that is willing to go out of his way to help other’s and even at the expense of myself. This individual radiates an aura of peace and understanding. I would rather lay down and take a blow then to retaliate against someone. That doesn’t necessarily entail violence, it is both violent action and verbal recourse. They both war within me. I am trying now to understand just exactly what it is that I do, and the reasons that I do it.

The other person that resides within me is a fighter, someone who does not back down at any cost. It is hard to bring this personality to the fore because it conflicts so very much with the person that does not hurt another. I have always thought about the duality that is present in each and every person. Though most people are comfortable with that struggle within them and they never even know that it is present, because it is ‘Balanced’. Within myself it is a war that is being raged, and the field is my mind. I constantly fight to keep the warrior from coming out because it is dynamically opposed to who I am. One just does not hurt another person be it by physical violence or by the spoken word. I think that is what is causing the biggest problems with me now. Why it is that I am suffering from a mental instability.

Well for the present I am able to place the two of these warring factions on hold and allow them to be dormant. Having just been released from jail I am currently living with my parents once again, and am not forced to make dramatic choices in my life. I don’t have to work and all of my basic necessities are taken care of. This is the break that I have been needing for years but just have never allowed myself to take.

Right now I am very interested in solving the problems that have been plaguing my mind. Without resolving the issues from the past I can never look forward to a future where I will be able to say it is “Mine” alone. I will always be manipulating other’s and living vicariously through someone else’s emotions and life. So for now taking it easy has allowed me the attempt to bring these pieces together that have been left behind through out my life.

The interests that I have currently in my life is writing about the failures in my past and trying to bring them out into the open so as that I may scrutinize them and learn not to repeat them again, and learning about various computer programs. The most prominent right now being “The Gimp” as that has replaced my old art program of Paint Shop Pro. I’m not in a place right now that I am able to buy that program and I’m also trying to not pirate any software anymore. (Helps with keeping away the viruses and other spyware problems) Of course I am currently in the process of designing a web page that will allow me to tell my story fully. Eventually I will be the proud owner of “A.Fractured.Mind.com”